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If you are new to North Carolina this is a “NC Winter”. Local news channels will threaten snow. It may snow, it may not and if they say 2 inches it could be 10 or it could be 1/2”. It doesn’t matter how much snow it is, we’ll all freak out because we don’t see snow often.

The threat of snow (or ice) is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs and bread. It doesn’t matter if you need these items. It’s just what we do.

Everyone in town will be there.

You’re in the redneck district.

Don’t look for a sled. You won’t find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill.

Just go with it.

You’ll be fine.

We don’t have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess and even though the state has been telling you for a week they’re ready, they’re not and it won’t work. Just stay home if you can and if you can’t just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice.

Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires.

If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath and wait. Two guys in a four wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don’t try to help them, they live for this stuff, and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams “hey y’all watch this” just get back and get your phone out and start recording, you’ll probably have a viral video.

Also of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, don’t be rude, take them and smile.

No matter what you do, don’t talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios.

Nobody cares.

You live in North Carolina now.

When we act like we’re going to die and start to complain about the 7 days of winter we’re serious and we don’t care how much you love it.

You’ll be back in shorts and flip flops in a week to ten days, tops, and it’ll be nice until right around Easter.

NC will have a “second winter” and it will be 2 or 3 days and will hit right around Easter, usually the week before or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant flowers and a garden.

We know you’re not from around here when we see you’ve planted flowers before Easter and before the “second winter” has hit.

This is why all the people at the nursery don’t sound like us when you’re shopping for plants.

We know better.

During second winter it’ll go from 70 to 25 and you’ll experience all four seasons in one day.

This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of “spring” before summer gets here and it’ll be melt your face off hot until sometime after Halloween.